


The Pirate Captures the Empress

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bulges and Nooks, F/F, Gills being pals, Making fun of Dualscar, Piercings, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 22:32:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12375504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: Mindfang and Condesce have some private time together.





	The Pirate Captures the Empress

Marquis Spinneret Mindfang crept through the Imperial Palace. After so long going through the labyritine residense, she was close to her destination: her Imperious Condescension's Intimacy Block. Before Mindfang she could get in, there was one more lock. It would be an insurmountable challenge - if she didn't have Vision 8fold. The door opened into a large ornate block. There was a pool on one side of the block and on the other side was a plush pink semi-circle bed decorated with a dozen embroidered pillows. Along the walls were paintings of her Imperious Condescension in erotic poses. What interested Mindfang was the privacy curtains along the back wall. She strood over to them and saw a familar pair of feet under them. Despite this, she turned her back to the curtains.

"When the foolish empress arrives," she declared to the block, "The dangerous pirate Marquis Spinneret Mindfang will capture her."

She then put her hand in front of her mouth and laughed loud enough for it to echo. While she was busy, a pair of gold-bedecked arms wrapped around her waist. The owner of the arms whispered in the pirate's ear,

"Not if that empress carptures her first."

"Oh no," Mindfang whispered, "It seems I've finally been anchored. How terrible."

"Give ya captor a kiss."

Mindfang turned her head and let Condesce kiss her long and hard. It was a kiss of two people who hadn't seen each other in far too long. Finally, they pulled away. Mindfang spun to look up at Condesce. The two held hands.

Condesce asked, "Did yah have problubs gettin' in?"

"No," replied Mindfang, "Your guards easily feel asleep."

"I chose 'em fo' their weakness." She sighed. "I'll hafta krill 'em fo' this."

"I would have braved the journey even if it was a real challenge. I could tie you up if you weren't soooooooo willing."

"Such spirit! That's a good fishmesis."

"Oh! We've flipped black?" Mindfang put her hand to her mouth in mock-horror. "What will I tell Dualscar?"

"Who's Droolcar?"

"He's your Royal Orphaner, remember?"

"Oh, him! Ya don't reed to tell him, do ya?"

"If her Imperious commands me, I won't."

"Now come on and let me see yah new threads."

Mindfang let go of Condesce's hands and stepped back a few steps. She twirled and the ruff of her black petticoat twirled with her. She put her lace fingerless gloved hand on her hip, thrusted out a bust well-defined by strategic gold buttons and cobalt cord, and with another hand threw back her hair. Condesce clapped.

"Woo, very nice!" she cried.

Mindfang took off her tricorn hat and bowed dramatically from the waist. "All thanks goes to my haberdasher, oh, and to me for my superior taste."

"And additional tanks goes again to yah fo' wearin' it so shell."

Mindfang stood up. "No one else could wear this."

Condesce stepped forward and played with the first button on Mindfang's coat. "I don't know aboat that...I think mah floor can wear this betta."

"Her Imperious doesn't have hangers?"

"I think we'll be too busy fo' that."

"And what will you bring to the floor?"

Condesce stepped back and twirled. Her hair writhed to the front as she turned her head over her shoulder. Her hand slapped her full booty with a loud jangle. She then turned again to face Mindfang. Her hand unzipped her bodysuit almost all the way down, revealing her full clevage.

"Oh," said Mindfang, "The same old bodysuit?"

"I don't mess wit' the classics. Bodysuits will neva go out 'a fishion."

"When you're the empress, anything you wear is fashionable."

"Yah betta believe it."

Condesce stepped forward again to play with the nipple-level button on Mindfang's coat.

"It's not fair mah bodysuit should be zipped down while that coat's all buttoned up," Condesce said.

"Will you unbutton it for me?"

Condesce shook her head. "I ain't yo servant."

"Very well," Mindfang said as she took off her gloves, "It's hard enough for my trained servants to do it. Their hands tremble too much. I wonder what makes them so nervous?"

Mindfang unbuttoned her very long coat, going frustratingly slow. Condesce stepped back to watch her. Finally, Mindfang reached the bottom and took the whole coat off. To Condesce's frustration, under Mindfang's coat was a sturdy gray corset.

"Mo' clothes?" she asked.

"Corsets provide support and stability. I need to protect my assets."

Condesce snorted. "Mah rumble spheres be bigger than yours and all I use are internal cups."

"Not everyone has rumble spheres so touch by superior technology."

"That implant rumora?" Condesce cupped her left sphere. "Yah just jellyfish."

"If only I could dare go under the knife."

Mindfang unwrapped her black petticoat, revealing red-but-slightly-scuffed calf boots and dark cobalt thigh-highs with holes. Condesce tsked.

"Yah didn't pofish yo boots? Or darn yo stockin's? Yah tryin' to offend mah?

Mindfang knelt down to start on the boots. "I am a working woman, your Imperiousness. Would you like to polish and darn for me?"

"Glub no, I'm busy too. Get more slaves."

Mindfang took off her left boot. It clattered to the side.

"There goes my trusty dagger," she said, "I hope you don't take advantage of my weakness."

"I cod krill yah even if yah was armed to the gills."

Mindfang took off the right boot and threw it off with its mate. She sensually rolled down her stockings, baring her toned legs. She threw the stockings at Condesce, who caught them. Condesce put them up to her nose and sniffed.

"Mmm, these may be carpie stockin's," she said, "But they shore smell nice."

"Even after nights at sea?"

"I like the smell 'a the sea."

Mindfang turned around and pointed to the small of her back.

"Could you help me undo this?" she asked.

"Can't yah do it yourshelf? How'd yah get it on in the fish place?"

She sighed. "I suppose I can take it off myself."

Condesce stepped forward and took hold of the laces. "Nah, I wanna unwrap this drift."

The laces were however more difficult than they looked. Condesce glubbed angrily under her breath. Finally, Mindfang said, "Let me do it," and deftly undid the corset.

"Yah coulda done that all abalone, codn't yah?"

The corset made a thud when it hit the ground.

"I think I also put some weapons in that," Mindfang said.

Condesce looked at the armor/underwear disapprovingly.

"I only need one weapon," she declared.

Condesce then examined Mindfang's bare back.

"Yah got lots 'a scars."

"Sorry, but we can't all led a life without pain and peril."

"I ain't complainin'," Condesce said as she rubbed the welts, "Fact is, I'd like to add some scars a mah own. I should brand you wit' mah sign."

"Only if I can brand you back."

"It wouldn't work, guppy, mah skin would heal."

Condesce embraced Mindfang from behind.

"Not findin' a lot a rumble here," Condesce said.

"I've replaced it the useless fat with muscles," said Mindfang.

Condesce's hands traveled slowly down along Mindfang's grub scars to find the waistband of her still-on drawers.

"Gotta net yah outta these," Condesce said.

"Go ahead."

Condesce pulled down the drawers, revealing a small but pert ass. She couldn't help but slap it. Mindfang tensed up and softly exclaimed "ow" before giggling.

"Yah don't needa go ow fo' that," Condesce said, "That's not anywhere pier mah hardest."

"I'd like to feel that someday...but not today."

Mindfang opened up her legs and let the drawers fall down before stepping through them. They were kicked away.

"I'm naked," she said, "Why aren't you?"

Condesce took her arms off of Mindfang and stepped back. Mindfang turned around to see Condesce peeled out of her bodysuit. The cobaltblood had seen this sight dreamed by billions before, but there were some new additions.

"Did you get your gills pierced?" Mindfang asked.

Condesce fondled a gold gillring. "Yah pike it?"

"I didn't know you could get gills pierced," the landdweller said with genuine awe.

"Yah can get anyfin pierced if yah try hard enough. I can't believe yah've never seen a gill piercing. Haven't yah been wit' any otter seatrolls?"

"I think I have one in my black quadrant...but I forget his name. I can't recall his body long enough to remember any piercings."

"He sounds borin'."

"He is. You're the far superior seatroll."

"Glub right I am. Now give yah empress a kiss."

Mindfang of course obeyed her empress. She also took the opportunity to grab Condesce's impressive rotund butt. Condesce returned the favor. Their tempertures were wildly different but they started to heat up. Their bulges, one cobalt and one fuschia, came out and danced around their owners' thighs.

Condesce was the first to say, "Let's take this to the platform."

Mindfang replied, "Yes, let's."

The two collapsed side-by-side on the bed that was big enough to host an orgy. They embraced each other, Condesce holding onto Mindfang's muscular butt and and Mindfang holding onto Condesce's plump one. They continued their deep kiss. Their blood-colored tongues played just like their bulges. Condesce's wandering hair tickled both bodies.

Then Mindfang pulled away just enough so she could kiss other parts. She moved down Condesce's gold-laden neck to her gold-pierced nipples. She flicked the barbells with her tongue. Her hand gently, so very gently, caressed the seadweller's pierced gills. She knew too much pressure would be painful. Condesce moaned and giggled in appreciation. Mindfang slowly moved up to kiss Condesce on the mouth. They pressed together so tightly.

It was Condesce who first started penetrating. Her bulge tickled at Mindfang's seedflaps. Mindfang lifted a leg to grant the bulge access. Condesce's bulge entered Mindfang's nook. Mindfang shived from both the cold and the rubbing of the piercings. Condesce had a size worthy of an empress and she was doing quite a good job filling up Mindfang.

Mindfang decided to return the favor. Her bone bulge twisted Condesce's bulge to reach Condesce's nook. Her bone bulge wasn't as big as Condesce's and lacked piercings but the gentle warmth felt incredible.

So the two matesprits made love, embracing side-by-side and still kissing. They didn't get many moments together. They were forbidden lovers of very different positions: Condesce an empress and Mindfang a pirate. They'd met when Marquis Mindfang worked for the empire taking down smugglers but even though she'd rejected her mission, she didn't reject her matesprit. Her matesprit could have her krilled at any moment but where would the fun be then? Perhaps their relationship would work better pitch, but they were too madly flushed for each other.

Though they wanted the moment to last forever, it was hard to keep from coming close after so long apart. Condesce was the first to succumb.

“Oh glub, I reed a pail!” she yelled when she could get Mindfang's mouth off of hers.

“You can release in me,” Mindfang answered.

“Ahh...kinky...”

“You fuschiabloods barely have any slurry, it's – ahh – not a big deal.”

Condesce focus on her pleasure. As empress, she had so little time to please herself. The pirate Mindfang had partners on every ship (including what's-his-name) but Condesce was alone. Now that she was with her matesprit, she gave into her orgasm. It felt like she was coming buckets like a rustblood though her output was small. She screamed a glub into Mindfang's ear.

When the aftershocks were done, Condesce said with a gasp, “I reeded that.”

“I could feel you swell.” Mindfang gasped. “Ahh – I'm close too.”

“Ya aren't coming in me.”

Mindfang reluctantly withdrew from Condesce. Condesce grabbed a pail from beside the bed and gave it to Mindfang. Mindfang got up on her knees and stroked his bone bulge. Soon, her cobalt seed splashed in the pail, along with a few precious drops of the fucshiablooded empress's seed. Condesce put the pail beside the bed.

The two then laid on their back next to each other. They looked at the elaborate bone bulge fresco on the ceiling. Condesce's hair made a wonderful pillow for Mindfang. Though they loved their banter, quiet moments like this were also fun.

Finally, Condesce asked, “Water you want to do now?”

Mindfang sat up and went to get her jacket.

“Ya leavin' alreedy?” Condesce asked as she sat up quickly.

Instead, Mindfang took some pink paper out of a pocket.

“No, I just want to deliever some flush letters from a certain admirer. He had them hidden in his desk but I think you should read them.”

“What's his name?”

“I can't remember. We'll have to read them to find out.”

“Ya read it. Ya do the best voices.”

Mindfang sat down on the edge of the bed. She took the top letter and unfolded it.

“My dearest fucshia minnowv,” she read in a basso violet accent, “Long havwe I wvished to hear your glubs...it's like the glubbing a the gods...I ached to hear it...”

And so the Orphaner's words sparked love...between the wrong people.

  


 


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